This isn't a review post for once. This is a Happy Easter, and a reflection post. I'm feeling just a little down today and those of you that are parents with young kids, may well feel this way in the future.
I am sitting here, on my computer recalling all the Easter mornings that we had in our house and how things have changed for me.
First off, I am no longer married, and I haven't been for 6 years now. This split was entirely my decision and I have no regrets walking away. Some things in life no matter how hard you try, just cannot be fixed. This is not the time or place to go into the whole thing. That would fill a blog post or 5 on its own so I will just say my ex had an addiction problem with alcohol that 25 years of trying to repair, and change just didn't happen. So, I walked and I believe I am a better, stronger person for that change in my life.
Secondly, my children are all grown and in their own relationships. That in itself shouldn't cancel Easter but sadly and again not going into too much details, one is incarcerated and the other two have their own lives. Besides that, my girls both are working today collecting that precious time and a half for working a holiday. I have a grandson from my jailed son, but his mother has remarried a wonderful man and they have their own Easter. I am sure I would be welcomed but they live a good 3 hour drive from me and I live in a one car household. We have a disabled roommate and I fear the day I am far from home with the car will be the day she needs to get to the doctor for something. So, I pick my holidays and choose instead to spend Christmas with my girls and my grandson.
I am seeing all the wonderful photos of families celebrating Easter on Facebook. All the memories of the patter of feet and the squealing of my kids when they were little come flooding back. My niece posted about her 5 year old son starting Easter at 6am and I remember the same thing. The waking up to full Easter baskets by my children's beds and the rustle of candy being snuck before Mom got up. The memories of frilly easter dresses and sharp new Easter suits being put on along with dress socks or tights and good shoes and everyone going to Easter Mass. Then the trip over to one of my brothers homes for Easter ham and all the goodies that go along with it and the grand Easter egg hunt with their cousins. So many thoughts have gone through my mind today.
I am older, the miles I have ahead of me at this point in my life are shorter than the miles I have already traveled. So many family members are no longer with me and others just seem to have grown into adulthood over night. My children will soon be married and having children of their own. They will begin to experience all the joys and disappointments of parenthood that I have been through. I hope they have more positives than heartbreaks but as parents we know that the heartbreaks will always happen. We will hopefully just be there to help pick up the pieces and advise.
So, today, no Easter egg hunt, no family gathering, no Mass, but as I type this I realize that I do have a loving family that I am so grateful for. My husband without the license is cooking a ham dinner for myself and our roommate and I am sure at some point my girls will call to tell me how much they love me. If I am lucky I may even get a call from my son in jail, but somehow I doubt it. I guess this blog posting has helped lift my spirits and remind me just how fragile our lives are. How quickly our children become adults and even though we do the best we can raising them, things happen beyond our control. No matter what though, we love them unconditionally. We may not like what they do at times but we never stop loving them.
Happy Easter to you and yours. May it be filled with loving memories of children squealing, too much chocolate and crazy family dinners.
All my love