Thursday, January 19, 2017

Time Keeps on Slippin Into The Future

So, next week is my birthday again! This year I am hitting the double nickle mark, or 55. In some places I will be considered a senior citizen. Its funny because I don't feel any older you know? In my head I am still the 21 year old that I was all those years ago. The reality is I am not.

When I was young, back in the 60's and early 70's they were running rockets to the moon. I remember being so excited to be able to watch the rocket launches on TV when they broadcast from Cape Canaveral.I remember seeing the Lunar Rover driving around on the moon's surface and Neil Armstrong's walk on the moon. All important things in history.

I also semi remember Robert Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King's assassinations. Patricia Nixon's wedding was another memory I can share. We didn't have computers, phones were wired into the wall, we carried boomboxes with cassette players and we recorded music off the radio. The Jackson 5 and The Osmond's were popular as well as Barbie dolls, Hot Wheels, Spirograph's, Pee Chee folders, and those four way different colored Bic pens.

In high school we listened to the end of disco, and we took classes like typing, accounting where we did a balance sheet with paper and pen, and short hand. Does anyone take shorthand anymore? We learned how to tell time, how to count change back, worked math with pencil and paper, and there were no calculators or computers. If you had to do a report you used the encyclopedias or read books to find your subject matter.

In a lot of ways our lives were simpler in those days. There was no cyber bullying or school shootings. We didn't worry about meth addiction or crack cocaine either. We played outdoors until it was dark and we took the streetcar or bus anywhere we needed to go without worrying. Kidnappers were around, I am sure but they were few and far between so we didn't have that fear, nor did our parents.

I just think back to where I started, and where I am now and I am amazed at how much things have changed. We have improved technologically in leaps and bounds. Science has revolutionized how we survive diseases. We have cars that drive themselves, vacuums that work independently, phones with GPS, and computers that can fit in the palms of our hands.

I guess in getting older, I realize that I have survived a lot but witnessed a great deal as well. The road in front of me isn't as long as the one that I have traveled and that is a sobering thought. We all want to live forever and no one wants to think of their demise. I am thankful to have made it this far in life when many of my friends did not. I am grateful to be able to see my children grow up and now my grandchildren start their lives. At one time I was part of the younger generation, I have now graduated to the oldest ones.

So, happy birthday to me on January 25th. I've come a long way and I have the battle scars to prove it. 55 is old, but not ancient and I still got a lot of living left to do.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Another Great Read from Book Of The Month!!


  **This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links.
January's Exclusive Book of the Month
BOTM's January book selection, Lucky You by Erika Carter is an exclusive title available only for Book of the Month members—the rest of the world has to wait till March!

Described by critics as "dark and funny", "an utterly captivating novel", and "surprising and somehow deeply familiar", it tells the story about three young women as they try to navigate the dark and complicated issues of life.
Free Gift in All January Shipments
In addition to one of the January selections, BOTM members will receive a free gift in their shipments this month - Gillian Flynn's book, The Grownup. Flynn's Edgar Award-winning homage to the classic ghost story, will be included with your book shipment.

Along with Flynn's The Grownup, BOTM members can purchase selections from BOTM's other favorites, including another Gillian Flynn book, Dark Places. With it's intriguing characters, crazy plot twists, shocks and horrors, this book is a must read for both old and new Gillian Flynn fans.


For more Gillian Flynn, you should check out BOTM's Q & A with Gillian Flynn:

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Do You Get The Winter Blues?

For some reason as I have gotten older, winter has really gotten to me. In the beginning I am excited for the cooler weather of fall and the holiday season, but as the days get shorter and the celebrations are past, I find myself getting depressed. I am not sure why I get this way, and I know others have the same issue.

I think a big part of it is the shorter days. Actually though, if I think about it, after December 21st the days are really getting longer again. It is hard though when I look at the clock which says something like 4:45 in the afternoon, and its almost dark. I dream of the summer nights where the sun stays around until closer to 8pm and sitting out on my porch enjoying the evening.

Also we Californians have been experiencing a LOT of rain lately. Enough rain for the drought people to come out today and declare 40% of the state to be out of the drought finally. I think I have now sat through 6 days of straight rain and some of that was downpours like a monsoon. Everything outside is dreary and gray. The sky is gray and the trees have no leaves and look gray. My driveway is literally a river of mud and also a gray brown color. No wonder it gets me down!

So, what can I do to get over this? I mean my birthday is in 13 days and I am not even excited about it! I've tried listening to uplifting music, taking photographs, even going for a rainy walk but nothing is working. All I want to do is sleep and eat which is not good for my diet. Thank God I have a job to go to or I would really be in the dumps.

Do any of you experience this winter depression? What do you do to make yourself feel better? I would really like some ideas to try cause it is a long way still until Spring.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Hunting for Valentine's Day Treasures to Give?

**I was compensated for this post. This post also contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. 

 I have to admit that I love shopping at Dollar Tree for everything. I can always find what I am looking for at a dollar or less when I shop there. Valentine's Day is really only a month away and I hate shopping last minute. At Dollar Tree I can find candy, cards, home decorations, and valentines for the kids to take to school and with shopping online, I can do it at anytime without leaving my house!

Kids Valentine's Day parties are a snap with Dollar Tree. I found these cute erasers, you get 12 in a pack for $1 (online minimum 4 packages)


Large Valentine's Day themed gift bags are perfect for those odd shaped gifts. Assorted among 3 different whimsical animal designs, there's sure to be a style to fit everyone's taste. Perfect for gifting Valentine's Day presents and for resale in party stores, florists, and pharmacies. Case includes 48 – 10x5x12-in. Voila® Large Glittery Valentine Animal Gift Bags with braided cord handles assorted among the 3 designs offered.


Candy candy candy...have they got all kinds of candy. Bagged candy or boxes of chocolate, you can find something for everyone at Dollar Tree. One example I found were 2 ounce boxes of chocolates for, of course, $1 each box. You really can't beat that type of pricing.
I am mentioning Valentine's Day since that is the next big holiday coming up, but Dollar Tree has things for every holiday and occasion. You can even purchase wedding decor for receptions or bridal showers. That is why I love Dollar Tree so much! Any occasion I can go online and search for the perfect item at a dollar. You should really go check them out today. AND ....January 16th ONLY they are offering ONE DAY ONLY: $4.95 Flat Rate Shipping At Dollar Tree (1/16 Only) ! You really can't beat flat rate shipping so get organized and make those purchases on January 16th!





Monday, January 9, 2017

9 Horribly Horrible Horrific Things.....

Things I just cannot stand!
We all have things we can't stand. Things that make us squeal, squirm, gag, make stank face and just cannot handle no matter what. These are 9 of the things that just make my skin crawl!

1) Liver! I can't stand the smell, sight, and most of all the TASTE of liver! It has to be the nastiest thing on earth. Why anyone decided it was good to eat is beyond me! I mean its a filtering organ for goodness sake. I don't care how full of iron it is or how good it is for me..keep it the hell away from me!
2) Spiders...... Nighmarish creatures those are. Just night before last, I was moving my pillow before bed, when I found one hiding under it. OMG!! I screamed then grabbed a tissue and snatched that sucker up. A quick run to the toilet and a mighty flush..no more spider. I know they eat insects and help keep their population in check but ewwwwww I hate them.

3) Horror flicks..... I know a lot of people love them, but not me. I can only watch them when they are like 10 years old or more and are more funny than scary! I hate them. I still haven't watched The Exorcist and I never will. Those movies scare the crap out of me.

4) Blood.... especially my own. I can handle other people's accidents pretty easily. I had three kids so one or t he other was always getting banged up. Their blood never bothered me, but my own is another story. I actually get light headed and faint at the sight of my own blood.

5) Farts.... Other people's of course cause mine smell like roses. Nothing like going shopping and walking down the aisle where someone just let one rip and left it there. I could just barf right then and there. My ex was the worst and he knew how much I hated them. He would either dutch oven me, or fart in bed and then  hold the blanket over my head and gag me. 


6) People hocking and then spitting. Right now my husband and my roommate are both sick so I am hearing this alot. Nothing turns my stomach faster than that hocking up sound. It is the nastiest thing anyone has to endure. My stomach is churning just thinking about that one. The worst... maybe even worse than liver now that I think about it.

7) Nails on a blackboard...Errrrrrrrrritch nope nope nope can't handle it. It makes my skin crawl when I hear it. I can almost feel the blackboard being scratched. I have never been able to tolerate that one.

8) ASSCRACKS!!! People if your pants are hanging low wear a belt for Godssake! Nothing like someone bending over and their whole asscrack exposed for the world. Ass cracks are not pretty or sexy people! Don't want to see your red, or hairy, or deep ass crack! Cover it up for humanities sake. Do us all a favor please!


9) Hairballs! Yes I have a cat and I love her but she can cough up massive hairballs. This is gross enough on its own, but have you ever stepped on one barefoot in the middle of the night? The worst feeling is that cold slimy hairball oozing between your toes when you least expect it. And let me tell you, hairball recipe cat food doesn't help at all. 

Ok, so those are 9 of the things I hate. Things that make me gag or just tick me off in general. I am sure you have a list too if you think about it. We all have those things that just send us over the edge. What are a few of yours? Any of the ones I mentioned, or do you have your own set? I'd love to hear what you have to say.
 

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Breathe

I am doing a blog challenge to get me to post more often and about things that are personal to me. Today's challenge was to post one word that I can draw on during the year. One word that I will use when I am at crossroads or when I am at a low point. I chose the word BREATHE.

Breathing is life, and it is something we do thousands of times a day without even thinking about it. We inhale and fill our lungs with oxygen and then we exhale and release carbon dioxide into the air. Plants provide us with the oxygen we need to live and we give them back the carbon dioxide that they need to survive. It is a pleasant give and take, and part of the balance of life.

I am an over thinker and a constant worrier.  I can't help it, it is just the way I have become over the years. When things are thrown at me,  I immediately go into a panic mode and try to fix it. Often times, my whirling mind can be a real detriment to my problem solving skills.  Instead of having balance in my thoughts, I find myself mired in worst case senarios. Perhaps it is a good thing to expect the worst, but it wreaks havoc on ones emotions and digestive system.

Whenever I find myself in one of these quandaries I have to tell myself to breathe. When I take a deep breath and hold it, I can relax. The heartbeat slows and the mind stops its relentless swirling. Most often this happens to me at night when I am trying to fall asleep, but it can attack at any given moment. When anxiety is at its peak I have to remind myself of my strength word...breathe.

Breathing helps to get me to focus and not panic. I can rein in my fears and anxieties so I can keep moving forward in a healthier way. Sometimes taking deep breaths helps me to enjoy the life going on around me and allows me to be a participant in a positive way.  For me, breathing is not only life, it is a way to live.

So now I am tossing it out to you my readers. What word defines you? What do you call on in your daily lives that helps to motivate you? I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this topic.
 
 

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Why do I care?

I see so many people, especially on facebook, talk about their relationships. There are so many women and probably men too but I have to write about what I see, so many women that feel stuck. Women who are ashamed of where they are, of  how they got there, and who feel trapped. And of course, I care.

Why? Why do I care? I care because I was one of those women. I was all alone in a world of my creation. Drowning in seclusion and shame with no one I was comfortable sharing with. I was even told by family members, that it was my fault I was in this situation. My own mother at one point when I confided in her told me "You made your bed, now lie in it!". Where could I turn when my own mother wasn't willing to listen or help?

And my mother in law was worse. It was my fault according to her, that her son was an alcoholic. I wasn't making him happy. I didn't take care of him enough. I was too fat and I didn't keep the house like she did so no wonder he was angry and drunk all the time! So, I was trapped. He was also very mentally abusive to me. I mean he threatened to take my kids away, and told me I would be living on the streets if I left him. I was too ashamed to check out any options, too mortified to reach out for help. So, for years and years and years, I suffered in silence.

People knew though. I didn't realize this until after the fact, but they all knew I was hurting. I had stopped smiling. Every photo of me had a haunted look about it. I was getting little joy out of life anymore and everyone knew it. But when I was approached about things I would get defensive or act as if nothing was wrong. I didn't know how to ask for help and I was ashamed to let anyone know that I had let this happen to me. I mean I was a strong independent woman when I started out in this marriage, but I had become a shell of the woman I used to be. You also see things through rose colored glasses when you are in abusive relationships. You can't see the pain and lonliness in yourself that other's see because you are too busy denying it.

You keep telling yourself things will change and get better. That your spouse will see how horrible he or she is and stop. The things they say, the names they call you, well they don't mean it. They were drunk or high or whatever excuse you give to others or try to fool yourself with. The years pass and you become numb to it all. You build up your walls and you learn to crawl into yourself and go numb because if you can't feel, you cannot be hurt.

The anger in you builds and builds and becomes a raging inferno. You hate the abuser with such a passion that you didn't think possible. Sometimes, at least with me, I would strike back at him and become uncontrollable. I would want him to die for what he had done to me. I hated that feeling because I knew one day I might just let go and kill him. I had never felt that feeling toward another human being and I hope to God I never feel it again. It was frightening.

I turned to the internet and chatrooms. I started talking to men on websites and finding out that people did in fact think I was attractive and smart. I met the man who has changed my life on the internet. He helped me to get a divorce lawyer and to leave my husband and my then adult children. That was the hardest. I got up that morning, kissed my three children, took my dog and left. I also cried for a week straight for my kids.

Oh they hated me in the beginning. Despised me for leaving them behind and walking out. In hindsight I could have done that part better but at the time, I did what my lawyer told me to do. Oh the messages my kids left on my cell phone that first month were horrible. Full of I hate yous and tears and mommy why did you leave us. Eventually they all realized why I had left and one by one they all went their own ways as well, leaving my abusive ex to himself. I have really great relationships with all my children now although my eldest, my only son, has his own demons at the moment. My girls see me as strong again and smiling. They know I had to break away in order to start the catalyst that would free us all. Even my abusive ex gave up drinking and drugs and has remarried. I actually wish him nothing but peace now. This 7 years has allowed me to forgive him finally.

So yes, I care when I see people trapped. You CAN get out, and you can change your life. You can learn to love again and be happy. It isn't easy and I still have some PTSD issues from my marriage, but day by day I am getting better. If I can survive so can you. If I have reached even one person reading this and I get you to try and get out. I have done my job. At the end of the day there is someone that cares about you. That is me.

Here is a poem I wrote April 2009. Two months before I finally left.
Its called No More Tears To Cry



No one sees the pain inside
Outside im always smiling
while parts of me keep dying
The silent tears im crying
In the dark and all alone

The pain is so consuming
emotions so confusing
Just want to keep on sleeping
Inside i keep on weeping

Feel so all alone
heart as heavy as stone
No one can understand
life isn't so very grand.

i suck it all inside
pretend i enjoy the ride
tears ive learned to hide
take it all in stride

Tomorrows a new day
maybe i'll find a  way
Hold it together and be ok
no matter what others don't say