Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I have been doing a lot of reflecting the last few days. Maybe because my own mom hasn't been with me since 1991 or perhaps because I am not going to be with my own adult children. Either way, both my mother and my kids have been on my mind a lot this week.
I miss my mom. Some day's I miss her more than others, but she is always in my heart. I have her wedding photo over my dresser and I will admit, I often talk to it. She left when I was almost 30, a victim to lung cancer like so many of her generation. Those cigarettes that looked so glamorous on television and were everywhere eventually did her in.
So many days I wish she was still here to counsel and guide me, and then I recall how often we fought over things. In some ways I have become her despite my best efforts not to and in many ways I am different. Not better necessarily but different all the same. I have a tolerance of cultural differences that she didn't have. She couldn't help it, it was how she was brought up and how society looked at things back in her days. She lived through the Great Depression, and segregation and of course WWII. She lost her father, my grandfather at age 16 and had to help raise her two younger brothers. I can't even imagine what that must have been like.
She like everyone else, had her skeletons and dark secrets, but she kept them to herself and I rarely saw anything come to the surface.
She would be so proud of her children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren. She would love my grandson Isaiah who is half black and half Italian, Irish, German and Scottish. Even though my mother had her prejudices she always put her family first. I remember when I wanted to "date" ( we were about 12) the boy across the street and she told me to stick to my own kind. Little did she know that we dated for a whole 3 or 4 weeks lol. I am sad that she didn't see any of the younger grandkids grow up into the wonderful adults that they are, and that she didn't get to meet any of her great grandchildren either.
It is tough being a mom. I used to get so angry at my mom and often told her to mind her own business. I never realized how much that hurt until my own children said the same to me. Even when our kids are adults we worry about them. When they are going through a rough patch we want to fix it for them. We hate seeing our children unhappy and will go balls to the wall against anyone that hurts them. I realize now as I reflect back on my life that I put my mother through hell. I guess it is just the way it is supposed to be though. We push them to the edge of the nest and they begin to take flight. Soon they are off on their own with their own little ones to raise and the cycle continues.
So, Happy Mother's Day to all of you Mom's out there. We are the warriors of our families and the nurses, advisors, bank ( lol) confidants and worlds of our children. I hope each of you is appreciated, loved and respected as you should be.